Cursed
by Sery
Summary: ONESHOT There could've been hundred of reasons why he couldn't be with her, but he had only one. One she couldn't break through... KakaSaku


_"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."  
- St. Augustine_

_

* * *

_"I love you." 

Impassively Kakashi stared down at the pink haired girl. Sakura bit without conviction her under lip, his deathly silence killing her from inside. With all the courage that was left in her, she spoke again, trying to sound as convincing and confident she could be.

"I mean it, Kakashi. It's not a joke. I really love you."

"I love you too, Sakura."

His voice was soft and warm but his lone, black eye was sad. She stared stunned at him, amazed about how quick he'd just easily said that. She'd been pondering for weeks about how she should put her feelings for him in words, and he'd said it as a matter-of-fact.

"I knew it," Sakura whispered, though his words still weren't fully registered in her foggy mind.

It was like her mind had stopped functioning since she'd heard him confess. She'd never dreamt of how easily he would admit his feelings for her as he wasn't the one who showed his feelings. She'd expected him to poke fun at her, or less heartbreaking: not reflect the same feelings for her.

But he loved her!

Their love was mutual.

Sakura felt tears of happiness gathering in her eyes, blurring her vision of his masked face. Now she would finally get the chance to see the face that had been hidden for too long from her hungry eyes.

Sakura blushed to her own exasperation when he stepped closer towards her, his body heat radiating to hers. He lifted his arm up and cupped her cheek with his large hand, the top of his fingers coming to rest on the nape of her neck. Her heart was hammering at break-neck speed in her throat. She didn't dare to look up.

"I never wanted to admit this, though," he sighed.

Sakura furrowed her eye brows, not finding the words for the right question.

"But we can't be together."

Sakura's head shot up, anger, confusion and a number of other emotions displaying on her face and in the intensity of her jade eyes.

"B-but why? Is it because I was your student? Or is it the fact that I'm fourteen years younger than you?"

She scoffed seeing his brow twitch dangerously motioning that that made him angry and hurt. So she resumed softly, not wanting to hurt him or make him mad at her.

"I'm nineteen, Kakashi. I know by now what is right and what is wrong. I can make my own decisions, my parents don't have to tell me that anymore. I can't actually see the problem in why we can't be together. I love you and you love me."

The last sentence came more out like a question that a confession, nor did her voice sound very convincing to her annoyance. She felt his hand on her cheek tense and knew that he was about to pull his arm back. Not wanting to miss the warmth of his hand, the comfort of one simple touch – she laid her hand tentatively on his. She saw his eye move to their joined hands, saw again the sadness reflecting in his eye she'd witnessed when he'd said that he loved her.

However, he began to pull his hand back, from under hers.

With a hurt expression on her face and the confusion building up inside her, she retreated her hand too, letting it fall to her side.

"Why?" she asked him almost inaudibly.

She hated it that she couldn't read his face because of his stupid, black mask. She'd always respected him and for that reason never tried to rip the mask off his face, but now she was furious. She knew he could hide his emotions well, but she was sure that his face would betray him somewhat without that dreadful mask.

He was watching her intensely in his boring slouched demeanour, hands put in the pockets of his black denims. It was this time the anger that lent her the courage to try to pry his mask away. With a swift, sudden movement of her arm she'd brought her fingers on the rim of the black mask, ready to pull it down. She'd succeeded in pulling it to the end of his nose when his hand shot up to seize her wrist. She'd the tendency to flinch, but maintained herself at his sudden reflex. He was holding her wrist firmly, yet gently, but his meaning was clear. Their eyes locked onto each other.

"Don't."

His reply was short, not threatening, but with authority. It was enough for Sakura to retreat defeated her hand. She stared at the ground at her left, avoiding his gaze. She wanted to cry, but was stubborn enough to not let him see how easily he could break her.

To her amazement she felt his hand tucking a stray of pink hair behind her ear. It was a simple gesture, but it meant a lot. She understood that he was sorry but she was still confused. Why won't he let her…?

"Why?" she whispered looking up at him.

She was pleading him to give her an answer. An answer that would satisfy her, help the ache away of rejection that was increasing every moment he kept quiet in her heart.

"We can't be together, Sakura, because…"

He intended to say more, but then stopped, breaking brusquely off. His eye narrowed before he turned away from her, turning his back to her.

She definitely didn't like this answer. She wanted an explanation. Now.

"Kakashi, you're not going to walk away like this."

She grabbed him by his arm, knowing that he could easily brush her hand off, but he didn't choose to do it. Sakura inhaled a deep breath, trying to brace herself for anything he would throw over her. Did he think she was still too young to have a relationship? Would he be ashamed if he did have something with her… or was he married? Going on a suicide mission? What was it?

"You _have_ to answer me, Kakashi."

She heard him sigh, sigh in defeat.

"How can you love me without having seen my real face?" he spoke lightly.

So, he mistrusted her love. He didn't think she had really fallen in love with him.

"I love _you_, Kakashi, not your face." Sakura stopped trying to understand his answer.

No, this wasn't an answer but another question he was firing at her.

"Do you want to say that you don't love me… but my face…my body…?"

'Please say no, Kakashi. Say no…'

"And what if I turned out to be ugly? Would you still love me?"  
"Of course!" Sakura exclaimed a bit too quickly.

But she trusted her love for him; now had only to convince him.

And he was denying her questions. She wasn't interrogating him – what had been her intention – but he was the one who was asking her things. She didn't mind it though; she just wanted him to trust her. She didn't want an answer from him. If he would just accept her it would be enough. Only if.

He tensed when she pressed her body tentatively against his back. Sakura rested her head between his shoulder blades, inhaling his masculine and intoxicating scent. He was still almost a head taller than her.

"You don't know where you are putting yourself in. You are going to regret it, Sakura," he warned her for something she didn't know.

"Than tell me what I'm going to regret," she mumbled into his vest, her voice being muffled by the green cloth.

She could tell that he was hesitant about telling it. He remained silent for a long time. It was long enough for Sakura to gain the guts to embrace him from behind, her hands fisting the front of his vest. Sakura felt peaceful and complete there, holding him, standing at Ground Three while the wind made their hair mingle forming a sweet contrast of pink and silver.

"I don't want to lose you too like all the others I loved."

Sakura smiled. He did love her, it hadn't been a lie.

"I won't leave you, Kakashi. Never. It won't matter in which state your life is – happiness or sorrow – I'll always be with you. Always," Sakura replied seriously.

"You don't understand it," he sounded a little exasperated.

Suddenly he turned around causing Sakura to lose her balance and fall forward. Her nose brushed his vest as he seized her wrist, bound to not let her fall. Instead of bracing her, what she'd been hoping, he pulled her back to look into her eyes.

"Ok, Sakura, if you now everything that well" he was sounding scoffing to Sakura's agony. "Then tell me this: why did everyone who I loved die?"

"I… uh…" Sakura was at lost for words.

She'd had no idea that with 'leaving' he'd meant 'dying'. It wasn't an easy question, but a profound one. Hell, how should she know? She wasn't God.

"Should I tell it you than?"

His eye brow was lowered as he watched her intensely. His voice was hard and sounding even a little angry to Sakura's surprise. It was making her nervous but even more than that was it making her feel afraid. She was afraid for what he was going to tell her. He was always calm ad aloof except when he fought against enemies in life-or- death battle. This wasn't him. She shouldn't know his secret, this, where he was talking about.

"Kakashi, I –"

"Everyone who sees my real face dies."

Bemused Sakura stared at him as he let her wrist go. She knew it would probably become a bright blue the next morning since he'd been squeezing it a little too hard. He averted his head from her vision.

'What in the hell…'

"What?"

Dumbfounded she sighed at him, not comprehending him.

"I am cursed, Sakura. You'll die soon if you'll see my face." His voice was soft, but emotionless.

'Don't hide your feelings from me, Kakashi, don't keep them locked away from me.'

"I don't believe in such things," she uttered flatly. She'd wanted to say 'nonsense' but restrained herself.

"Hn," was his short reply. Then he peered at her. "If you don't believe me than please explain why everyone I loved died."

"Uh… coincidence?"

She couldn't come up with anything. Yes, it was weird that all his friends and family had died… but a cursed face?

"No, it's because they saw my face. The face behind this mask. Everyone who sees it dies. My father, my mother, my friend Obito, Rin, my Sensei… they'd all seen it."

It was hard to believe, but why would he lie to her. Then something came up in her mind.

"If that is so… Why didn't you ever use your face against enemies?"

His eye met mine briefly making me shiver. I'd no idea why.

"After seeing my face you die shortly after it, not directly. It takes five days at the very most."

And still it made no sense to Sakura. How could someone be born cursed? It was as if he'd read her thoughts.

"I've not been born like this. It's a long story how I got that curse."

He stared off into the distance, halting his voice. She thought he was going to leave it like that, but he resumed.

"There was an old woman when my father was still alive. My father had killed her son on a mission. She swore on vengeance. My father had no idea that she would intend to kill me. Fortunately my father was right on time to prevent her from killing me. So she cursed me. I was five then. My mother died the same day, but my father believed the old woman's word. Since that day I'm wearing this mask."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. Only this time they weren't of happiness but of distress.

He sighed.

"I don't think I've to repeat my question again."

'Question? Which question?'

"You've got your answer, and I mine." He didn't pat her head, as he brought his hand to her head, but stroked with his long fingers her soft, pink locks. "This is why we can't be together. I respect your age and your innocence. But it can't work between us. I hope you'll find another man who's not cursed like me," he whispered the last part almost inaudibly.

A little too late Sakura realized about which question he'd been talking about:

Would she still love him if he was cursed?

He hadn't asked it her directly, though.

She felt a lump forming in her throat, preventing her from telling him that he was wrong.

And selfish.

Terribly selfish.

Maybe _he_ could live without her, but she couldn't live without him. Especially not now when she knew what he'd been hiding from everyone for so long and had opened himself for her; letting her be a part of his mysterious life. She couldn't let him go now that he was so close.

"Kakashi, you're wrong. You've no clue how much –"

The words were left hanging in the air as she broke off after having lifted her head and witnessing only white smoke.

He was gone.

-

It had been midday when he'd seen her, when he'd told her everything. Well, nearly everything. He 'forgot' to tell her how much he loved her. He loved her so much he even cursed himself for his cursed face.

If that fucking woman had been alive he would've done everything to get himself free of this curse. However, she was death now. He'd heard that she'd left a daughter, though. But there was no point in searching for her, who knew she could make the curse undone?

His whole life was screwed-up now anyway.

Forever.

It was midnight now and he was drinking his misery up in a bar with Genma. Nearly twelve hours ago he'd seen her and still he couldn't get her out of his mind. The alcohol wasn't helping at all what he'd been hoping.

Kakashi sighed.

He wondered how fast Sakura would forget him and move on to another man, how that man would worship her body and make her his. The thought irked him and made him feel jealous, though it wasn't even really happening now; it was just his imagination. But she was _his_.

'My face…'

He gulped the content of another glass that was filled to the rim with sake down, trying to savour the taste, but it seemed to be tasteless to him then.

"Eey, yo… Kakashi."

"Hn?"

Kakashi looked to his left seeing Genma sitting next to him around the square table.

"Why are you so quiet t'nigh? You usually talk lot when you are drunk. No mood in talking? It makes your heart feel lighter if you're keeping something untold in it."

He smiled drunkenly and nudged my arm with his elbow.

"You can tell me. Is the famous Copy Ninja in love?"

"No," I replied shortly now wanting to talk about that subject. "Do you believe in curses?"

"Curses?"

His eyes widened and his eye brows rose high up on his face, almost reaching his brown hair before he began loud out laughing.

"I'm serious, Genma," I said a little annoyed.

There could be no decent talking when Genma was drunk. Genma wiped tears away from the corners of his eyes.

"Sorry, buddy, but what di' ya say again?"

With that he began laughing all over again. Kakashi wanted to sigh, shake his head at Genma's silly – better to say stupid behaviour, but instead he began laughing along. It was just too hilarious. Who believed in curses? There didn't exist such things.

So he laughed, with the tears burning in his eyes.

-

The two pictures, fitted in a wooden, plain frame, were set at the small side table next to one-person-bed. They were the first things that caught her eye as soon as the door had swung open. She stared at them while she was still standing at the threshold of his small apartment, her fingers still lightly holding the cold material of the front door knob.

He was really a fool for keeping his door unlocked – she made a mental note of telling this to him and scolding not to forget – but she was at the other side glad that she could just intrude him in his apartment.

He wasn't here.

Not that she'd expected him to be here.

Sakura made the intention of letting the door remain open, but thinking better of it she closed it with a soft click. The moonlight that was flowing the room in from the small window above the bed side table with the two pictures – one familiar, the other foreign – was illuminating the room, giving her the possibility to examine his room.

His apartment was small, but a tad larger than hers. She'd never been here before, but had known that he habited here. The whole apartment smelt to his mysterious scent. It made the unknown room more familiar; making her feel secure. Just like those pictures did.

She crossed the room heading to the small, black table and picked the picture up of their old team seven. She smiled, letting the tips of her fingers touch the glass, moving her fingers gradually over the thin glass, feeling nostalgic.

They were often away on missions, Sasuke and Naruto. She really missed them when they were gone, miles away from her and Konoha. When they'd been teamed up she still saw them nearly every day. But now… months passed before she met them again, and before they could've caught up to each other's situation, stories and adventures, they had to leave for another new mission.

And Kakashi…

Sakura sighed, gliding a finger over his masked face behind the thin glass. Even if he was here, he wasn't really here in Konoha. He always seemed to be lost in thoughts for the past two years. But now she finally knew why. She knew it now since midday.

There had been an anger building up in her since he'd said that _he_ knew that she didn't want him anymore because of his cursed face. That jerk. He didn't even know how she felt so how for god's sake could he now whether she wanted him or not anymore. He could be so mean sometimes…

'Just wait Kakashi when you'll come home. I'll teach you a lesson about girls and feelings that you won't forget your entire life.'

"Sakura…?"

She hadn't heard that the door had been opened, nor had felt his presence, but had been too lost in her own promising thoughts. She was a little startled hearing her name suddenly, but recovered soon.

It was about time anyways for him to return to his apartment, it was past two.

She placed the picture back from where she'd picked it up and then turned to acknowledge his presence. He was standing at the threshold, the door half open. He was waiting for her to tell why she was here, she had heard the question in the way he'd spoken her name out: a little surprised and questioning.

"I wanted to see you," she stated simply watching his lazy posture, hands put deep in his pockets.

She could smell from there – two metres away from him – the stench of alcohol around him.

She had expected him to drink, though. He was staring indifferent at her, but she could bet that in his heart some hope had been awoken seeing her here.

"You've seen him now. You can go."

He was being hard, but she knew it was only because he didn't want her to make a wrong decision and get regret of it later, nor did he want her to take pity on him and feel compassion. Typical her former sensei, Kakashi.

She didn't feel this though – and oh, he was having at the wrong end again – but felt rather respect and admiration for him.

The fact that he was cursed – not able to let others see his face – and was strong enough to shrug it away like toothache, to live with the inferiority of a handicap but not show it, made her love for him only more vehement.

"You were wrong, Kakashi," she broke the silence, looking him straight in the eye.

He sounded tired as he replied, averting his eye from her face.

"Believe me, Sakura, you don't want to put yourself in this. I'm not worth for you –"

"I _want_ to put myself in it," she retorted, "and you _are_ worth me."

She crossed the distance between them, her eyes watery.

"We can be happy, Kakashi, why can't you see it? Let me make you happy."

She reached out with her hands towards him and he flinched slightly as she let the palm of her hand caress the clothed skin of his face gently.

"Let me make your life better, more colourful than it has ever been before," she whispered, and blushing at her own words to her annoyance.

He closed his sole visible eye to her and then said harshly to her surprise.

"You can heal people's wounds, Sakura, but you can't heal curses."

He grasped her hand, halting the gentle strokes brusquely.

"We _can_ be together, with your curse too," she was literally pleading him now.

He sighed.

"There will come a day for sure when you'll want to see my face, blame me and maybe even yourself for everything that happened between us. You'll regret –"

She cut him abruptly off by pressing a single slender finger against his masked lips.

"That day will be my last than," she was insinuating to seeing his face. Closing her eyes she resumed in a lower voice. "So what if I can't see your face."

He protested but this time she succeeded in pulling his mask down, leaving it pooling around his neck.

"Sakura…"

"But I can kiss you."

She searched for his lips with the tips of her fingers. As she found them and had explored them long enough with her fingers to remember every curve making a picture of them in her mind – she pulled him down with one hand pressing at the back of his head and tiptoed to close the distance between their lips. Giving him a lingering, meaningful kiss on the lips.

He didn't respond at all in the beginning, but his hand reached out from behind as soon as she tried to broke away, pressing their lips together again. This time he began to move his lips slowly over hers, with his tongue coaxing her mouth open, making her toes curl from pleasure. The kiss was sweet and lingering, taking her breath away completely. As they broke away, both panting and in desperate need of some air, she reached both hands up to cover his face again with the dreadful black thin cloth. After that she opened her eyes again.

"Sakura," he sounded to be a little amazed.

She wondered briefly if it were about the mask thing, or the kiss they'd just shared…

"If we have to live like this way, then I'll – we'll live so," her voice cracked as she felt a lump rising in her throat.

"I love you, Sakura."

He kissed her chastely with his masked lips and shut the door behind them, making her aware how tiny this room was and how close he actually was to her.

She felt some difference in him now. The authority, his power over her (and her emotions) was back in him. The room was swimming in darkness again. Her breath was caught in her throat for what she was anticipating and knew would happen. Tonight…

"I want to make you happy, Sakura."

His fingertips barely touched her bare arms as he moved them from her shoulders down to her slightly shaking hands. She was so caught up in his touch – the shivers that he made ran down her spine and the heavy feeling in her stomach – that when her knees buckled against a hard – his bed she realized – she comprehended that he'd been steering her towards it.

"Kakashi," her whisper was barely audible to her own ears.

She could make out his silhouette in the darkness and saw his hand reaching to his mask again.

"I want to make you happy," he repeated before covering her lips with his.

* * *

_Fin _

A/N: It's not what I had in mind, and I'm not really happy with the result, but hope you all liked it.  
Oh, and no sequels for this one (right now at least...)


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